Nighttime Panic

Sometimes there are days where my head feels like it's just rolling around in crazy. Today happened to be one of them. Nothing out of the ordinary really happened, except that I was productive and did all my household duties early. Since I got done around 2, I realized I don't have much else to do for the day. My dog is under the weather because she is in heat, so I couldn't take her out and because I was already planning a 2 hour gym slot at 5, I didn't want to go running. Want to know what I did? I sat. I Pintrested, I Facebooked, and thought a lot about my friends.
I kinda went to a dark place because as I sat and looked up my old friends, I kept thinking to myself that I haven't come very far. I don't have my Bachelor's (yet), I don't have a job, and I'm a stay at home wife. What does that even add up to? We don't have kids. If I did then I could just shoo away all the nonsense going on in my head because of the "joy of parenting". Those little boogers aren't in our plan for a long long time. So what now?
It all boiled over tonight. As we were laying in bed, reading our separate books, I grabbed Matt's hand and turned off his book lamp. I wanted to talk. I talked about my fears of not doing anything in life, and how it's easy to be forgotten by friends if you're a bad friend to begin with. I talked about how sad I am that out of my neighbors (who are now my second family), we will be the last to go. I talked about the fact that we won't live in California for a very long time and how much I missed my sister. Somewhere along the line it dawned on me that this stuff has been going on in my heart and mind for weeks now. If it's been going on for weeks, how have I become so happy in life?
Matt very kindly squeezed my hand in a reassuring way and talked me through it all. He helped me realize that maybe because I don't have my degree, and we aren't in the same life stages as others, and I'm not traveling the world a lot, doesn't mean that my life is meaningless. I spend my days with dogs. Sounds ridiculous, but they make me happy. I've been working out a lot and have reached new levels in my personal fitness. Lately I've been a pretty kick ass wife (compared to December of last year). Life is good.
Tonight, Matt helped me see how happy I am and that even though I worry, life is good. Tonight, he literally held my hand through a moment of overwhelming thoughts, and managed to make me smile. If everything else is nuts in my own personal world, I'm  happy that I have Matt as my other half. He keeps me sane. I know I don't write much about him but maybe it's because I see him as a constant extension of myself now. Life isn't easy, but if it was then it wouldn't be worth it.